My wife and I were fighting—the kind where after 30 seconds you forget what you're fighting about and you just end up being mean. It doesn't take long in an argument like this to feel hopeless.
I wanted to call someone to come over and mediate. Actually, I didn't want to, but I knew I needed to do something. Our close friends who live near by and our small group leaders were all out of town, so I called a pastor who lives in the neighborhood and asked him to come over right then. I think he could tell by the tone of my voice and the unusual request that we really did need help immediately. He cancelled his Saturday plans and came over.
Sitting at our kitchen table, he helped us figure each other out. Soon we were getting to the heart of the matter. Molly turned to me and said, "You never treat me like you appreciate me."
I looked at her. I looked at our pastor. And then I listed three ways that I'd shown appreciation for her that morning. As far as I was concerned, things were taken care of. She thought I didn't act appreciatively, but I just showed her (definitively, I might add) that I did.
As you can imagine, things were not taken care of. As a matter of fact, my list, for all its accuracy, was completely irrelevant to Molly. This was when our pastor pointed something out to me that has forever changed the way I interact with my wife, and with everybody, for that matter.
He told me that, sure, it may be wrong to say that I never show appreciation, but clearly she feels that way, and right now that's what needs to be dealt with. And not just dealt with but acknowledged, understood, respected. Her words may have included a factual error, but what she was saying was completely true.
There is a letter on Scot McKnight's blog from a pastor who is very frustrated with certain Calvinists in his church. It would be easy enough to disregard it, pointing out that not all Calvinists are like that or that his use of the word "hyper-Calvinist" doesn't match correct theological jargon. But that would be missing the point. And, ironically, that reaction would only lend credence to the frustration that motivated the letter in the first place.
So how should we read this letter in a way that acknowledges, understands, and respects the discouragement of its author?
First, we should note that it is simply indisputable that some people are exactly the way he describes. When you see mean extremists in another circle, it reminds you why you don't run with that crowd. But when you see mean extremists in your own circle, it's just plain embarrassing. Unfortunately, until we are perfected there will always be mean people of every theological strain. But fortunately, we are a part of the church not merely for the company, but for Christ.
The second way to understand the letter is to see it (along with the numerous comments that follow) as abundant evidence that, to many, Calvinists come across as self-righteous, condescending, arrogant, unfriendly, argumentative, and even stingy. The fact that we're not all that way is irrelevant in the same way that it didn't matter to Molly that I had done three things to show I appreciate her—she still felt unappreciated. Her frustration was true because, whether or not I was grateful to my wife, I was perceived as an ingrate. Similarly, the frustration in the letter is true because, whether or not the Calvinists in the letter-writer's church are good folks, they come off as proud and divisive jerks. Those Calvinists, as church members, and I, as a husband, should change based on this information, regardless of how "inaccurately" the frustration may be worded.
In my marriage, it doesn't matter whether I'm thankful if I don't seem like it. And in the church, it doesn't matter whether we have the fruits of the Spirit if no one can tell.
It won't be easy to change the pejorative stereotype that clings to Calvinism, but we can start by admitting that it is accurate far too often. Then we can make sure we are manifestly not self-righteous, condescending, arrogant, unfriendly, or argumentative. Also, you can count on us to buy dinner or coffee sometimes.
Paying attention to those who disagree with us and taking them seriously, even if we're pretty sure we'll still disagree, is part of what it means to be in the body of Christ. It's humbling; it sanctifies. It will make us better husbands and wives. It will make us better Christians, and maybe even better Calvinists.
The following is an article that I wrote for Convergence Ministries:
I had the privilege of pressure washing my parents front and back of their house. It was an all day project, but turned out great.
I just purchased "Orthodoxy" by Eddie Kirkland from iTunes. My friend Steve Fee recommended Eddie to me. Steve co-wrote a few of the songs on the album. It's a great album. You should check it out... It's hard to find solid, Christ-centered tunes these days.
Yes. That was my office (and our dog Tucker). As you can see, it had become quite a mess! Most of it is my fault, but I had a little help from our sweet 21 month old daughter as she likes to play with stuff in Daddy's office. It had recently gotten to the point where I no longer wanted to work in my office. Instead, I would grab my laptop and head to the dining room to work. However, that was not always profitible because I have a 21 month old daughter (see above).
I got to work at about 7:15 am and was not finished until about 6 pm that night. No lie. It took forever, BUT it was well worth it!
As of Wednesday this week, I have been using my system for one week and I am really getting things done! Is your life unorganized? If so, you are probably overwhelmed by all that has to get done, things being overlooked, or outright forgetting to do things. Let this be an encouragement to you, you can get things done! Let me know if I can help.
Lately I have been wanting to write, which is a good thing, especially since I have a paper due in a few weeks. However, I am realizing that my desire to write goes in cycles. My good friend Justin calls them 'rhythms', which sounds much cooler, but whatever it is I don't always feel like writing. This is fine, but my dear wife reminds me that if I do not post new blog postings, then people will stop reading my blog.
A few days ago my good friend John Sherrill, who leads 220, called me and asked if I would be interested in preaching for his Pre-Teen Summer camp. He said he would understand if I was not interested, but wanted to ask me anyways. I told him that I would talk with Steph and pray about it.
"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." - Matthew 7:12
Jesus. There is no greater name. However, I wonder why I am so quick to forget? Stress, worry, frustration can sneak up so quickly. I am reminded that there is a thief who loves to "steal, kill, and destroy," yet I am too quick to forget the One who came that I might have "life abundantly." (See John 10:10) As I reach the end of another semester of traveling & preaching, pastoring, husband-ing, fathering, and seminary-ing, I am reminded that I can do nothing outside of the grace of Jesus Christ.One last thought. For seminary, I am also taking Contemporary Evangelism, and part of the curriculum is sharing my faith with 3 non-Christians. I am kind of in a pinch, because on one hand I travel all the time and preach to hundreds of people each semester about Jesus, but this needs to be one on one conversations. So, if any of you reading this do not believe in Jesus and would be willing to let me share with you why I do, please let me know! 1) I would love to share you the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 2) I want to do so with integrity, that is why I am posting this. 3) I think this assignment is a bit silly, but I want to submit to the authorities placed over me...
Okay, one last last thought... Why is it that when I was a teenager I thought that every feeling I experienced = Truth? It seems that this is an ongoing issue with students (and adults). Feelings do not equal truth, however, in our culture it appears that we submit to our feelings, and thus become the sovereign to determine truth. Rather than allowing the Truth to subdue and direct our affections and feelings. Any thoughts?
Sometimes it stinks to be a grown up. There are so many responsibilities now. I have a hoppin' 1998 Honda Civic EX with 132,000 miles on it. This car was my wife, Stephanie's, graduation present from High School. It has been a great car and has never let us down, until recently.
This life does not last forever. We all will come to our last day. Some sooner than others, but the reality remains, our life on this planet is limited. Embracing this truth will lead us to the point of asking important questions, “What is this all for?” “Why do I exist?” “Does any of this really matter?”
There is a vast conundrum in our culture today regarding the view and use of time. Phrases like, "there is not enough time in a day," "I need to 'make' time for my family," and the like bring about this false view that time is variable and can be added to or subtracted from. It is true that our measure of time is man-made in that we have created ways to tell time, and keep track of dates, but there is a natural progression of time that cannot be captured, slowed down, or stirred up.
_med.jpg)
